How do you learn to close yourself off? How does one learn to shut out the people and events that aren't worth your time and energy. Would I have to completely change myself to become the kind of person that is strong enough to see when someone is bad for you? Do I even really need to see it? Isn't it enough to just build a wall and keep people out; it seems to be common that 9 out of 10 people will not come through, will not care, will not be there, don't have your best interests at heart... etc.
Marilyn Monroe said: "I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together."
Though I love that quote, and consider it words to live by for a smart woman, the idea of trusting no one but yourself seemed so cynical. It didn't seem real, I said to myself the first time I read it, "Well... that's just bitter sadness... you can trust some people"... and I think you can trust some people with some things. But not with your heart. I don't ever want to let anyone have my heart again. The more I'm hurt, every time someone lets me down, every time I realize someone didn't mean what they said or isn't who they seem to be, I think a little more... maybe it's better to be alone than to let people hurt you. Taking care of myself and protecting my heart is only my responsibility. Everyone else needs to take care of their own heart.
I think I just needed to write that down. I need some place I can go to see myself say in black and white that I will not continue to allow people inside my heart. Maybe I'll grow into someone a little colder... maybe this will only be a temporary place I am to heal... I want to be kind and good and optimistic and giving... but those qualities are not what anyone seems to gravitate to. So maybe I need a new m.o.
sigh.
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1 comment:
Ya I know you posted this 3 months ago, but what the hell? I read it today.
Life hurts, love heals. If you open your heart you may be hurt, but if you don't you will never be healed.
Just thought of that off the top of my head. But I knew instantly it was true. And your words inspired me.
Miss you. Don't forget me! I'm your neighbor for crissake!
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