Good things, and bad things, and having no idea what to do.

So....

Last night I was cast in the West Coast tour of "Meshuganutcracker", and I am incredibly excited. Not only am I going to get to see things I have never seen, like other cities -- I hate that I have never been anywhere. But, provided they still like me next year, I could end up getting my Equity card out of this, which is on my current 'Theater To-Do List".

The biggest problem with this is that it's going to conflict hugely with work, and I may have to quit my job because of it. That's a lot of risk, but that's what one does for this business, right? Take risks? I'm not good at risking things. I'm not good at taking a leap, and just believing that something will be there to break my fall. I tend to be of the thought, always go for the sure thing, but if I'm going to work as an actress, it's sketchy work. That's just how it is.

I want this so bad -- I want to be a working performer, and I know for a fact that if I put my mind to it, I could do that. But, it's about having faith in myself, really, and the more Ithink about it, I think that's what's held me back all these years. I'm not sure I believe that I can do this. But, I want it. So -- I have to start believeing.

Sigh.