Starting to feel in control... kinda.

Ok.

So things, I think, are getting much better with the show. There an odd sort of solice is deciding not to allowing anything else to get in my way. I see how I want to react to the disasters, but I choose not to. I need to learn to do that on a regular basis, and not as a method of controlling that which seems to be spiraling out of control. I need to just not let it get that far in the first place.

"If you don't like your fate, change it. You are your own master, there are no shackles on you."

For a moment, I was starting to feel like all the little details were going to destroy the big picture, but, really, in theater -- we controll our big picture. If I want to let inescapable tech nonsense, silly wigs, zippers, and corsets distract me -- I can. If I want to man-up and focus past all the little stuff, I can do that too. I think some of it must be about believing in your own capacity to do more. I often tell myself I can't do things and I think, sometimes, it is just my lack of faith that makes it so.

So, I am starting to have faith in myself, we'll see how long that lasts.

It's always a rollercoaster with me.