I miss california wine.

It's Fashion Week in New York, and the air is starting to chill. I'm excited to watch the seasons change, and at this current moment, I'm vowing to myself to blog more often. But I know myself well enough to be fairly certain my blogging patterns will remain rather consistent. I'm good for awhile, then shitty, then I totally forget... then I get all excited about it and the circle continues. Right now I'd really like to see the leaves turn in Central Park. If not before then, I know I'll have to blog about that. I'm so excited to watch the weather change. I'm excited about hats and scarves and gloves.

Today was a thoughtful day, sometimes I retreat into myself to find my way. Today was one of those days. "Some days when I'm far away in a lonely room in a cold seclusion" ...... It's interesting to me that I think in music.

Let me explain that.

Almost every significant person or event in my life corresponds to a song. Listening to lyrics will often bring an emotion or a memory to the surface in the same way a familiar smell can do. It's full and fast, and in one quick moment, I'm back in old shoes. Lyrics sometimes explain to me a thought I couldn't fully articulate to myself or to someone else, if they'll listen. I have used lyrics and songs and mix cds to communicate my whole life. Recently, as I get older, I have noticed that I'm not the only person who does that, and I get along best with others who have the same kind of relationship with music. And, the part about that which strikes me as most odd, is that some of those people don't know that's who they are. Some people can be taught to communicate in music, or the comprehend it but they don't speak it. This is all just my late night reflective observation, mind you, so it's likely to be corrupted by fatigue.

I'm going to be a person who can let go. I'm so close. I can taste it. Fully aware that the fact that my inability to move on from love, anger, heartbreak, etc, is my greatest weakness -- I have made it a mission to destroy it. I'm doing a damn good job. Really, when you think about it, most things that ruffle your feathers aren't worth holding on to. A good ruffle or a bad, 9 out of 10... not really worth it in the long run. Only hold on to the events that shake you, change you... the big deals. It's also totally ok to laugh at yourself, with others at yourself, and at others who can't laugh at themselves. Those things are all funny.

3:13 am -- a totally indecent hour, but totally worth getting some thought on paper.

Billy Joel is a genius, by the way. And check out "This is the Life" - Amy MacDonald.... she's amazing too.

nite
L



ps.

Some people stay far away from the door if there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside and hope that it just passes by
Some people live with the fear of a touch and the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone so nobody tells them a lie.

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you... but I'm not above
Making up for the love,
you've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not a above doing anything to restore your faith if I can

Some people see through the eyes of the old before they ever get a look at the young...
I'm only willing to hear you cry because I am an innocent man.

Again, Billy Joel, ladies and gents... a genius. I'm just saying.