Today is, where your book begins...

My big inspriational song right now is "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. There's something about not only the simple, but powerful words, and melody always remind me of everything I still have ahead of me, and everything that I can do if I put my mind to it.

There's no reason to continue to be unhappy in my own skin. I think the only things that are keeping me from being happy are my own inhibitions, I tend to allow all the negativity in the world to drown me. I find a reason why it's unfair that I have to work so hard for the body I want, and I cling to it while I ignore everything I know.

Matt always says all you have to do is figure out what you want, and focus on it, it's all so easy for him. I always say "It's just not that easy for me" -- but what if it is. What if it's just about focus and the decision that food is irrelevant. That, food as entertainment, will always be terrible for me, and not beause I can't eat the food I want, but because I can't let food be my reason for doing things. And more than that, I have to learn to want the future more than I want today.

That goes for everything in my life. I need to learn that good things come to those who work ad wait. I think something that's always holding me back is this fear that it's not just being the wrong type that's holding me back, that I am going to lose this weight and still not be quite good enough -- but that's just not the case. This is all about hard work -- dirty words for me. I just need to work for what I want, theater, thin, smart, emotionally strong. These are all things I can have, and have found I can create in myself in small doses, why not change completely?

I started to type "I think I can.." -- I have to stop 'thinking' I can do things, and jsut accomplish them. I can. I'm going to. Here goes.

I am unwritten. Can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just begining, the pens in my hand, ending unplanned.

Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window.
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find.
Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it.
Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin.

No one else can feel it for you, no one else can let it in.
No one else, no one else, can speak the words on your lips.
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned, to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten........