Venus and Mars

Why am I so fucking emotional?? WHY??

It doesn't relaly matter what the situation, but when Matt and I quibble over something tiny, I always end up feeling so hurt, and so confinced that my feelings aren't being considered. Then, I analyze the situation, and realize that, while he might have been a little calous, I really was over reacting. Why can't I see that while it's happening, why can't I catch on before I start getting all teary and hurt?

Granted there are many times where he just isn't really listening to me, or doesn't understand me -- so he gets frustrated, and even though he's unlikely to admit it, he's snotty. Many times I have tried to explain why tone of voice is important with me, and the usual response is, well all I said was "insert-benign-phrase-in-calm-voice-here", and I always have to rebut with, "But that's not *how* you said it"... and then we get into the same circle of his not understanding what his tone of voice even was, and me not understanding how he can't understand. It's vicious, but it's never over anything of import.

So, how do I learn that he doesn't mean any harm -- because, now in the quiet after the storm, I can see what he was trying to get at -- I would have said it entirely different (and therin lies the rub) -- but I still get what he meant. And I feel as though, though I had a point, there was no need to get so hurt and frustrated.... but when it's happening, I can't see it at all. And he finds resolve so quickly, I get upset, and I can't let go, I just have to talk it to death. He can just say "Let's drop it" -- and really, genuinely, be done. He's over it, it's not bothering him anymore. I, on the other hand, are frantically trying to drop it, and ignore the racing thoughts of everything I still feel and want to say that won't stop going and going and going...

Why can't I calm down -- I feel like a snowball when I'm hurt, the emotions are just going to go where they are going to go, and go away when they so desire. The consequences are, though he can be a buttface and a little bit selfish, he almost always either meant well or was unaware of it entirely, and all I needed to do to avoid the fight was stay calm....

Sometimes I think I must need prozac. Sometimes I think I'm actually crazy.

I don't know that either of those thoughts are productive or problem solving.

Grr.