Details in the fabric....

Calm down.
Deep breaths.
Get yourself dressed instead of running around
And pulling on your threads and breaking yourself up.

If it's a broken part, replace it, .
If it's a broken arm, then brace it.
If it's a broken heart, then face it.

Everything will be fine.

I woke up in a really good mood today, but the last few days have not been as good. It's lonely. I miss girls night with the girls that finish my sentences. I miss red wine and inane arguments about the details of art with the boy who calms me down. I love the way New York feels, the buzz, the hustle, the way everything is alive all the time. I love that I've become incredibly close to someone I may never have seen again if it weren't for weird coincidences. Life here is a constant tug between the excitement of the new and the terrible hole inside of me left by those I left behind.

There's no way to fast forward to the time where I am truly settled. I have to accept that the friendships I built at home took time and if there are to be new friendships here -- which undoubtedly there are -- they too, will take time. Starting over is so much easier as an intangible concept than it is as an action. I have decided to start over, and that means finding a way to love the people I love, but to open my heart to new love. But, just like boiling water, you can't look for results. I'm learning with every day how many opportunities there are to meet and enjoy the company of new people. Their fresh perspective is just what I need in my life.

So, I'm open. But, while I'm waiting... I'm going to use this time to get to know me -- something I have needed to do for a long time. I have to spend the rest of my life with her, so I might as well give it a go. We might even get along.

I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothings going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to
Win some or
Learn some.

(This blog contained a lot of Jason Mraz lyrics, just fyi)