My New Years Resolution: More Blogging.

... except that it's May. But, whatever. I need to stop waiting 8 months to blog, especially with the big move to New York. I'm going to want to record these things.

Currently I am working a pretty boring temp job that involves a lot of meanial shit no one else wants to do, but it pays and it's super flexible, and it's onlyfor another couple weeks.

I'm 26 days away from the big move now and its starting to feel incredibly real. I know I'll be sad at some point, but all I can think about is how friggin excited I am. I have spent the last 27 years feeling like I didn't belong, and something in me just knows that I belong in New York. There's theater and art and music, yes, and I will of course pursue the things I love, but I'm not going to go be a broadway star. I'm going to start over, to finalize this part of my growing up. To make the woman I've grown into a real person, I have to give her a new home.

I think a lot about choices and decisions I have made and realized only just recently that I have rarely made a decision in my life that was 100% based on my own needs or desires... I so often weigh out what I need or want against what someone else needs, Matt, my mom, my friends, my family, my sister. Last week we were planning my birthday dinner and I called everyone to make sure the restaurant I picked was ok. Avra thought that was hilarious, as it was for my birthday, it should be up to me. Silly.

Someone called me selfish a while back, and they said it in anger, so I'm sure it's little to do with me, but it really got me thinking about the choices I have made that were selfish and those that I have made that were not. The Not's outweigh the Were's, but I have still done some stuff that wasn't cool. But, it's all part of growing up, and I think I have learned from everything I regret. Honestly, I don't regret too much because it was all a lesson. I would love to take back anytime I've hurt someone, but other than that, my mistakes are part of who I am, and owning them makes me much stronger.

All in all, I'm excited and unstopable these days, and it's a great feeling.

Back to filing surveys... such is life